Blk 777 Happy Lane 77 #17-717
Singapore 777777
7 July 2007
Human Resource Manager
Corrupt Practices Investigation Bureau
(CPIB)
2 Lengkok Bahru, Singapore
Dear Ms Tan,
Application for CPIB Investigation
Officer
I am interested in joining CPIB as an
Investigation Officer, posted on Careers@gov on 12 January 2012. Having a
strong sense of justice, I empathize with people whose rights are compromised
or denied due to the dishonest act of others. Black sheep are always among us
in the society. My motivation; however, is not to punish those who conduct
corrupt practices but rather to find out the whole truth in its entity and
leave the judgment to the court. My passion and persistency makes me an ideal
candidate for the position as an Investigation Officer.
Currently, I am doing my 3rd
Year of studies on Biology in the National University of Singapore, and have
also completed my Minor in Forensic Science. Through the Forensic Science
program in NUS, I learnt to be more meticulous in my work. The program has also
enhanced my analytical skills in putting pieces of evidences together to come
up with a bigger picture of the truth.
Past travelling experiences have equipped
me with essential life skills. Last August I was given the opportunity to live
and study in Toronto for four months under the Student Exchange Program (SEP)
in Forensic Science. This experience has taught me how to be independent, how
to think critically and how to be flexible in adapting to changes and
challenges in a new environment. SEP also taught me how to communicate effectively
with people from diverse cultures.
Activities which I have participated in
schools have strengthened my interpersonal skills. Through playing floorball, I
learnt how to communicate and work as a team with each player faithfully
playing their best for their assigned roles to achieve a common goal. Completing
a 42.195km full marathon is a big challenge to me, and through this my
willpower, determination and self-discipline grew stronger. It would be an honor
to join your team of investigators to keep Singapore corruption free with
strong determination and focus.
Enclosed is my resume outlining my details
and qualifications. I look forward to speaking with you about this opportunity.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Josephine
Chang
Chang Zhong Yun (Josephine)
5 comments:
Hi Jo,
I was too busy last week (peer teaching and many others) to write you a comment for your previous post.
Now, back to your application letter. You may want to craft your first paragraph more concisely. The first few statements do not really illustrate your passion but rather describe the what you feel about the "corruption" scene. They kind of reveal your lack in knowledge of the job as a CPIB IO. For example, judgement is usually made by the AG chambers before presenting to the court. They also do not punish. Instead, they only investigate. Therefore, maybe you would want to remove "My motivation; however, is not to punish those who conduct corrupt practices but rather to find out the whole truth in its entity". If you wish to know more about an IO's duties, you can always talk to me. I have been to CPIB and spoke with the IO before. Also, your first sentence sounds like your interest "I am interested in joining CPIB as an Investigation Officer" was posted online instead of the job application window being posted online.
Overall, there are many overused expressions. For example, "This experience has taught me how to be independent, how to think critically and how to be flexible in adapting to changes and challenges in a new environment. Maybe it can be rephrased to "This experience had molded me to become independent, critical and flexible...". This is just an example to make it more concise, it may not be your intended idea.
Transition phrases should be used at the beginning of each paragraph to connect them together.
Do check for grammar. =)
You may want to reconstruct this, "It would be an honor to join your team of investigators to keep Singapore corruption free with to strong determination and focus.", to make it more impactful, telling the recruiter that you are the ideal.
Lastly, like what Miss Lim mentioned, do include your contact details and when you will be contacting the recruiter on your application outcome.
Cheers,
Chee Kian
Hi Chee Kian,
Thanks so much for highlighting really useful pointers!
I will definitely reconstruct my first paragraph again. Because what I actually meant is that I understand that the role of CPIO is to find out the whole truth, and that my motivation in joining the team is not driven by wanting to 'punish' dishonest people. Thanks for reading because now I know my message was not get across clearly!
Jo (:
Hi..so did u eventually get the cpio job?:)
Alex- nope, I dint get it :(
Hi so did you managed to secure an interview with them? How long do they take to get back to you after your application?
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